Gossip Robs the Love of God

Ever since I was called to serve as the Relief Society President of my YSA ward just over a month ago, I have felt so inadequate to my own ability and I have had to rely on the Savior and Heavenly Father in various unique ways as I am clearly aware that I am nothing without them. Oh how fragile my heart can be as I am left to my own strength; but as I rely on Christ and focus on Christ confidence more than self-confidence I feel strengthened and am reminded of what a great team I got the choice to be on. 

Someone that I have a deep trust in made me aware of some gossip that was being said about me at my work place. My heart sunk deep and I couldn't seem to shake her words off for over an hour. I kept thinking about the words that had been said, letting them play in my mind over and over again; wondering why she even had a desire to be talking about me and judging my story she knows next to nothing about. I was letting it eat at me and I noticed my heart was becoming hard. 

As I started to evaluate the situation from a new light; a renewed spirit entered my heart and suddenly I was reminded of the relationship I have with my Savior. All the times He carried me on a path I couldn't walk alone. I was reminded of the moments that only the Savior and I have endured and how those moments are my priceless story that no one in this world will fully understand and appreciate like I do until we become one heart and one mind and return to Zion. I was reminded that I don't need anyone else's love and approval because God is on my side and that is the only thing in this world that really matters!

I became so focused on Self-Confidence that I forgot to rely on Christ-Confidence. Christ confidence is the only way I can become whole and content in who I am and where my journey has taken me. If I focus on the world trying to understand it; well then I am giving away part of the greatest love, memories, and experiences I came to this earth to obtain.

Source

My heart was hurt by gossip, especially when I am fully aware I am an imperfect human. I don't understand gossip, I don't understand why as a humanity we are always out to attack and tear one another down. It makes no sense to me; why would we want to diminish the love of God in our lives by doing such actions? 

I love this quote by Elenor Roosevelt; "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people." What a profound statement! 

Let's Say No to Gossiping:

 People trust you more when you don't gossip.

When I hear someone gossip to me about someone else, I don't like to hang around them for two reasons.

1) Gossip drains me. It takes so much energy and happiness out of me because of how much negativity it holds. 

2) It scares me to be their friend because if they have all this negative stuff to say about others, it makes me wonder just what they might be saying behind my back when I am not around.

There is more than enough hate in this world. There is too much judging, especially when we each have our own sins. Let's be kinder, more loving, more forgiving, and less critical.

The faults we are looking for and finding in others, are always in us too. Sometimes we are so certain we are not at all like those we criticize; but just ask God and He will prove that we are all a lot more alike than our human eyes can see. Ask Heavenly Father to help you see the faults within yourself as you are caught seeing them in others, He will show you and He will gently help you correct them.

As I prayed and sought Christ to help me let go from being the target of gossip, my heart became broken for the gossiper. Perhaps she is missing feeling the love of God in her life; because when we feel His love; we want to give it, not rob others of it. 

"When our hearts are filled with the love of God, we become “kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving.”" - President Uchtdorf

Faith is Never a Weakness

I was watching Star Wars the other day and first of all, I love how much the gospel and this movie have in common...it's awesome! While watching 'Episode VI: Return of the Jedi' a line really stood out to me.

Luke: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
The Emperor: Your faith in your friends is yours!

Hold up and freeze. Since when is faith a weakness? Seriously, has it ever been? 
I don't think so.

Faith, to have complete trust or confidence in someone or something. If you believe in someone that much, that is powerful! For faith can move us to do great things. Let's say your friends do let you down after you put all your faith and trust in them. Who lost out really?

I've done this before. Quite honestly it was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life after having so much faith in someone, investing so much time, support, and sacrifice; believing it would all turn out in the end and we would live happily ever after, but really even though it was devastating to me, I lost nothing. The faith that I had changed both me and him. That faith, even though I gave much, Christ made up the difference. If I wouldn't have had so much faith in this person, they wouldn't have been as motivated and inspired to push as hard as they did, they would have quit a long time before.

Have you ever had one of those moments where someone talks you up or gives you a compliment on something you feel is a weakness of yours? You feel so empowered that someone thinks you're strong in an area you've always felt a little inadequate in. It certainly makes you want to try harder or to develop that attribute or talent even more to prove that you really do have that strength they saw in you. Having faith in other moves them to change! ALWAYS!!!

Now here's the hard part, when someone is letting you down, it appears that your trust and confidence was in vain, and it certainly feels as if you were the one that ended up losing that day. While it may sting and appear as if every bit of faith you gave was wasted, just what if it wasn't? Just what if?

Hear me out on my reasons....

1. KARMA - I believe in karma, what we give into the world will always come back to us.

The Book of Mormon teaches us about karma too. Go to Alma 41:15 "For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored..." Meaning, if we are sending good into the world, things like faith and confidence, that faith will come back to us from others believing in us more, but also, we can't lose. Every single good thing we give doesn't ever go to waste, EVER!

2. Christ already paid the price - because of Christ, every single thing we go through can be turned for our good like it says in D+C 90:24 "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good..." (emphasis added) 

AHH...did you catch that? How exciting that is! When you BELIEVE, and let's take that to believing in another person, all things work together for your good! You can't lose because Christ is the way. He is the only way and He fills all the emptiness that we don't know what to do with.

3. Faith changes men - Faith has this power of changing men/women to become something more than they already are. Have you ever believed in something so much that it changed you? 

When I was young, I used to believe so much that I was the most organized girl in the world. I would come home and organize my backpack every single day after school, my desk at school was always spotless, and my room never had a paper out of place. I believed that my organization was one of the coolest talents, because none of my friends or classmates were as good at it as me. The more I believed this was a talent of mine, the more I became confident in this skill of mine so much that it ended up getting me a job to help others stay organized as well. 

When I was competing in Miss Murray one year, I had five of the best friends and cheerleaders I could have ever asked for. As the day was approaching to compete, I started to lose confidence in myself. I would get random texts or visits from friends letting me know they were thinking of me and they truly believed I had all the potential to win. I truly felt their faith capture my heart as they believed I was fully capable of winning the crown that evening. I was placed as second runner up, and I believe the only reason I didn't win that evening was I didn't believe I was the best piano player, I didn't believe in myself as much as my friends believed in me, which limited my abilities to nail that talent that evening. But why was I placed as an attendant, because I had friend who believed in me and were cheering me on. Thank goodness for them!

I'm telling you, faith changes people!

Even President Monson said so...

4. We don't always get to witness our influence - every word we say, every action we display, every positive emotion we send; it all influences other. I believe our influence is one of the most powerful we gifts we have to give away, and one of the most under estimated powers we possess. Our influence is huge! We influence people when we realize it, and we influence people when we don't. When you believe in someone, when you send that power into the world, things start to happen. Just because you don't see your influence, don't believe it's not there. Often times it is like planting seeds and sooner or later, the change will come even if you don't have the opportunity to witness this. 

But now, to undo everything I just said and did... WE MUST HAVE MORE FAITH IN CHRIST THAN WE DO IN MAN. Faith is great to have in another person when we have first anchored our hearts and faith in Christ. Man can't do what Christ can do. We can't have so much faith in another person that we lose who we are and we start to lose sight of God. As our faith and the roots of our faith are planted deep in the solid ground of Christ, only then can we influence others. For it's not our faith that leads people to change, it's when we point others to Christ, that the atonement allows room for change. For it is Christ that takes all our bad karma upon Him, and only when we turn to Him, we will not have to suffer all our karma, because Christ so willingly took it upon Himself as we believe in His name and turn to Him. 

Listen to THIS talk by President Monson

Everybody Needs Love

I once heard it said that those that are hardest to love, need love the most.

In my strong desire to judge less and love more this year as I am spreading sparkle to others, I long to pay attention to every detail of those around me. Uplifting everyone I can, especially those I feel pushing this love away. I want to pay attention to who needs me and who I can lift by offering a listening ear or a kind heart. I want to give more, love more, and serve more.

The #1 lesson I learned from my experiences this past year is you NEVER know the pains and sorrows of another's heart. Pain isn't visible to see always, but the more we open our heart to pray for others and look for others, the more we will be in tune with who needs help and how we can help.

#SparkleHope Challenge - Week 1

Welcome to #SparkleHope Challenge week 1.

So happy you are here!

Last year was hard, harder than I have the words for. 

But I was BLESSED, oh so very blessed by so many. 

On those dark days where I didn't think light would ever come again, 

a little sparkle came from so many of you that kept me going. I knew God was aware of me because of the sparkle that came into my life through letters, invitations, phone calls, inspiration, chocolate, quotes, text messages, emails, and visits from the incredible people in my life.

I have never understood the worth of a soul so much as I did through this experience. 

Those simple acts of service meant EVERYTHING to me.

And now I want others understand just how precious one soul is to God.

That's why this challenge is happening. 

I think the best way I can show my gratitude to those that were an answer to my

 prayer and brought a little hope into my life is by passing it on,

adding a little sparkle to the lives of others.

So without further ado... 

WEEK 1 CHALLENGE:

Thank someone who has added sparkle to your life this past year.

Make a list of some people who really blessed your life this year in small or large ways. Anything from a letter that touched your heart to a friend that changed your life. 

Let them know.

Here are some ideas:

Write a thank you letter.

Bring them some flowers.

Send a test about the impact it had on you.

Make them a cupcake.

Find a way to get creative in your ways of thanking those who influenced your life or added sparkle on your journey in 2015.

Post a picture or message on any social media outlet about how you completed the weekly challenge using the hashtag #SparkleHope so we can all be inspired. I think I even want to feature a few on my blog before next weeks challenge begins.

So go out there and let the world see you SPARKLE!

A Fearless Fighter of OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression - #IAMSTIGMAFREE

Last Saturday I had the incredible opportunity of being part of the #IAMSTIGMAFREE campaign that was started by Ashley from www.dontstopsargeant.com - Ashley is a rockstar in every single way and I'm so thankful we are friends. This girl is changing the world!

She had us tell our stories in such a small amount of time and there was so much more of my story I wanted to share, so I decided to blog about it.

Here's the story that was filmed:

And here's the music video:

My whole story:

I have lived with OCD for seven years, I grew up watching my mom battle OCD every single day, but I never suspected that I was then going to develop it as well. My mom is a fighter, oh I just love her for all that she is! Her life isn't easy and yet she is so strong! OCD comes in so many different patterns, often when people think of OCD, they think of a neat freak. They think of someone as a very orderly person, their home is always clean; well that sure sounds nice, but that's not my story. I actually wish people wouldn't use the word OCD as just some cute little quirk that they have for being organized and particular, because it is REAL. It is a battle every single day for those that haven't been given a choice that this is the way they want to live their life. 

My OCD first started out by being terrified of germs, just constant intrusive thoughts of "You're going to get sick if you do that, if you go there, if you touch that." OCD is intrusive, unwanted thoughts and they only way you take control is by doing your routine, for me that was a lot of hand washing. It was a matter of constantly feeling like I wasn't clean and a fear to live the way I saw ordinary people living. I tried so hard to deny that I had OCD because I saw how hard it was for my mom and dad to get along because of this illness, I didn't want to carry this into a marriage I didn't yet even have. I didn't go get help because I was in denial about the truth of what I was facing, and I never saw my mom go get help and treatment for hers, so I guess part of me felt as if it was untreatable. 

As time went on, it progressively got worse. I was constantly worrying about being around anyone, for fear that I would then get sick because I had no idea who had been sick earlier that week. I despised finger food, hospitals terrified me, and even while watching TV shows I would panic if they ate food without washing their hands before. It was bad, so extreme. It was exhausting to live life this way and finally after four years of this, in 2012 I just broke. I couldn't handle it anymore, I wasn't sleeping at night, I became very familiar with anxiety attacks, and I honestly wanted to die. This fear that was taking every single space in my mind and had made it so I just didn't to want to deal with it or even life ever again. 

I want to take a moment to say something, it is possible to wish you weren't alive while still never having thoughts of suicide. Our society has a huge stigma on mental illness and suicide, and guess what, I choose to BREAK that! It's okay to yearn for Heaven at times. It's okay to be so broken that your Spirit becomes homesick for Heavenly Father. As a society, we have the tendency to look at suicide attempts and these pleas for Heaven and never really see the strength behind the person or the battle that was faught. We have the choice to get to know these individuals better, and to look beyond what only the eye can see, so often we don't take the time to do just that. The strength that these individuals have is incredible, they are fighting to save their life because they know it's the right thing to do. I want to make clear, I am NOT condoning suicide in any way, shape, or form, but behind every single person who has ever had the thought they are tired of this world and it's just too hard, there is strength and a warrior, please choose to see it! Sorry I just went on a rant there, I just know too many people who have felt weak and looked down upon by society, when they are using all the strength they have to get help and just keep pushing on. 

I started to go to a therapist as my life became unmanageable, I would go visit her in her home downtown and she was the nicest lady ever. She was an angel that came into my life because she would tell me that OCD and anxiety are gifts that come from Heaven and there is good in it if we will just look to find it. 

Can we pause and have a mental illness lesson for a moment? It sure helped me to understand it better, so I'm hoping it can help just one other person. 1 in 4 people have a mental illness. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. So what? What does that mean? Well, it means that it is treatable, but not curable. It's a battle that the individual will face their entire life, but they can manage it and it can become controlled to a point where it almost seems as if it doesn't even exist. However, there will be triggers and life events that will bring it back as well. There are four very important "happy" chemicals in the brain; Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Endorphin. All four of these are vital to keep you happy and living a normal, if not almost normal life. Now, most likely every single person on this planet is going to experience sadness and feelings of depression at some point in their life depending on events that occur. Those that fight with a mental illness are up against a battle of imbalanced chemicals every single day of their life, and there are certain practices that need to be done to keep these chemicals in order. The foods you eat, the exercise you participate in, finding ways to make personal connections such as hugging, and even activities that bring peace and serenity into your life are vital and help to balance out these chemicals. When the happy chemicals are missing, that's when depression enters in. Sometimes a mental illness can be so bad that only certain medications can fix the problem and that can be different for every individual as well. 

There is a lot that plays into the battle of mental illness but there are two things I want to say about it:

1. Those with mental illness are NOT their mental illness. They are a person and they deserved to be seen and viewed by others for just that, WHO THEY ARE! We have to break these stigmas, we just have to because individuals deserve to be seen for more than the challenges they are fighting against, especially if 25% of our population is facing these battles.

2. If you face a mental illness challenge - THERE IS HOPE!!
This is a HUGE one I want to emphasize because Satan was often feeding me lines of "You're never going to laugh or be happy again, you have depression and that is going to hold you back all of your life." - Can we break that lie right here, right now? Yes, some have a harder time than others to snap out of it, and triggers and life situations play a HUGE role into it! But that doesn't matter, what does matter is that Christ atoned for even those who face these mental challenges and He is going to be there every step of the way as they fight their battles. Don't give up, HOPE is real! Because of Christ, hope lives on forever no matter what you may face! 

So back to my story, as I was fighting OCD in the most extreme ways, it became progressively worse because of the stress I was under, as I was in a very manipulative relationship. It was absolutely horrible and the stress made my OCD come to a point where it was unmanageable. As I was fighting this very real challenge in my life, I started to slip into a deep depression and anxiety. There is no other words for it than a tarring of the soul. I started to feel as if I were drowning and all hope was gone. I remember one day walking around temple square and I got up to the Christus at the top of the visitor's center and I knew without a doubt in my mind that I needed to break up with the boy I was dating and hope was just around the corner. I'm not going to tell you things immediately got better from there, because I still had a long and hard fight of depression ahead, but I will tell you that more light started to shine in my life than I could have ever believed to expect. 

A common misconception we have when we talk about the atonement is that everything becomes healed. I don't think that is quite true, if it is, I haven't experienced it yet. I have had moments in my life where healing from the atonement came so strong, I thought it was a permanent change and I would never fight with mental illness again. I believed that and held onto it so strongly, that when something started to trigger my mental illness once again, I was ashamed. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong for grace to be taken away and for these battles to start flooding in once again. In reality, I had done nothing wrong and the atonement was still there for me. We have to walk and experience a portion of the journey Christ went through in our personal lives, sometimes more than once. We have to battle our own gethsemane. That doesn't mean we are bad people, that doesn't mean the atonement isn't real, it means we are humans, here for a learning and growing experience and while the atonement brings peace, light, hope, and happiness in, in the most incredible way, it doesn't always mean permanent healing forever in this mortal existence. The atonement brings very real happiness, and I testify of it's strength, but permanent healing isn't always the case and that doesn't mean the church isn't true. In fact, to me it's an even bigger testament of the power of the atonement. 

As I started to seek out Christ more in my personal life, more hope and light started to shine and I felt stronger every single day. I had more faith and more courage to keep pressing on. I started school again and I was getting straight A's. I was so happy and life was good. I was on cloud nine and started to believe everything would be perfectly wonderful from here on out. Things became hard again when heartbreak came into my life. Heartbreak was a trigger on top of a few more stresses of life and I once again slipped back into depression and anxiety, which then triggers my OCD to come out again. It is hard and sometimes feels so unbearable. I wouldn't wish it on anyone in this entire world. It can sometimes leave you feeling as you are less than a grain of sand being washed up by the ocean. 

Add my battles of inattentive ADHD on top of all of this, and it made my struggles even harder. In my life, inattentive ADHD looks like becoming bored quickly, time management battles, struggling in memory, lack of motivation, processing information more slowly. It's just a mess, and I had no idea I had it until I started struggling in school once again. My story isn't over, I'm still fighting every single day. This isn't a story of happily ever after in every single way, it's a story of hope in the day to day life. I don't for a moment think we are given the battles and challenges that we have "just by chance". I believe Heavenly Father knows our hearts perfectly, He loves us, and He stands beside us no matter what we face and because of what we face.

I believe we go through the trials that we face so we can help certain people that will come into our lives at a later time that will face the same trials that we had to overcome.

I believe the trials that we go through soften our hearts, allowing deeper understanding and empathy toward others. 

I believe that no matter how alone you may feel in your trials, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! So many people are willing to help you and love you! Christ is walking right by your side as well. 

For so long I didn't want to share my story, for so long I felt like hiding from all the challenges I was facing, for so long I believed I didn't even have a story to share. Not anymore Satan, not anymore! I am speaking out, I am standing up, and I am doing something. I am breaking the silence on the taboo subjects, I am breaking the stigmas people choose to place, I am breaking the beliefs that there is no hope and no one else like you. 

























We ALL belong, we ALL have a role to play, we ALL matter! 

We ALL face trials, but we all are fighters! Some pain is noticeable to the eye and other times we have no idea what a person is facing. But we all have a voice to speak up and say kind words. I imagine a world where we judge less and love more! And that's what I'm fighting for! 

#IAMSTIGMAFREE

God Doesn't Cause Pain Out of Lack of Love

I'm pretty sure there was a sale on weaknesses happening in Heaven before I came down to earth, and my love for sales drew me in (also a weakness) and so I took as MANY as I possibly could, for some reason underestimating the pain it would cause. 

In 2011 to 2013, I had severe OCD, anxiety, and depression, it almost broke me as just surviving day to day took absolutely everything I had. I couldn't figure out where this came from, it seemed to arise and worsen almost out of nowhere. I became so weak and vulnerable that it led me closer to Heavenly Father more than anything ever had before in my life. I remember staying awake way into the wee hours of the night just pleading for a little bit of deliverance so I could go to sleep and rest my anxious mind if only for just a few hours. These were the two longest and hopeless years I had ever had to experience in my life up to this point. 

Looking back, I often think about why I went through this experience. Why would Heavenly Father cause me to break like that? It was only in these precious years could I really come to know my Savior and Heavenly Father, but I didn't recognize that until after the sun started shining bright with a fresh new start in 2014. It was only through this experience that made me so extremely weak and homesick for my Savior that I would actually find the faith and courage to trust God enough to break up with a boy who was breaking my life. It was only through this experience that I would understand what it means to be succored by my Savior Christ. 

It was a beautiful experience and I wouldn't trade a minute of that pain for what I gained from it. Who I became after that experience was beautiful and I cherish it more than anything. The trials God brings us through, He always brings us through. 

I thought I had learned what I needed to learn and it would all be uphill from there. May of this year, I found myself crying daily for no explainable reason. Sadness started to become all I knew, as life has seemed month by month to get progressively harder. ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and depression started to become very familiar again. Feeling attacked in life and trying to hide it all because of the stigma our society places upon mental illness. I didn't understand why my weaknesses were coming to attack me once again. 

Hadn't I learned everything I needed to the first time? Weren't those two years of non-stop trials and very little hope hard enough? The problem with asking these questions is the fact that we underestimate God's love for us. 

God doesn't cause us pain out of a lack of love.

Elder Whitney has said: 

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire”

Who am I to question what inflictions God sees fit to put upon me? Especially when it is I that says prayers asking for humility and pleading for Heavenly Father to "help me become the person He needs me to be." Acquiring Christ-like attributes is different for every single person. It happens in so many different ways. I like to think that I knew and understood something so different and so beautiful up in Heaven that I can't comprehend right now. I like to believe that I splurged on the "weakness sale" up in Heaven because I recognized the dependance it would require of me to come unto Christ. To constantly have a need to turn to Him and rely on everything He has to offer me, it's beautiful. 

It does get hard though, some days I just want to throw my hands in the air and yell "Why me?" and "I don't want to do this anymore." Some days I sink to my knees wondering where Heavenly Father is in this minute and what I did wrong. And yet, I am SO blessed with moments where I feel as if there are angels around me, bearing me up {D&C 84:88}. I am SO blessed with friends that listen to my struggles and care. I am SO blessed with tender mercies that the Lord knows I need. He is constantly there for me, even in the moments I feel as if He has left, He never does. 

So I may not understand why I have to keep going through the same heartbreaking struggles, the same trials that are just heart wrenching to me, but I do know the Lord has a plan. I know with all my heart hope is never gone and Heavenly Father has a plan, and these trials are not without purpose. I'm excited to see in the end what the purpose is. But for now, I desire to trust in it. I desire to learn of my Savior as much as I can as I plead for strength and deliverance.

I don't know who will read this post. I don't know what struggles you personally go through. I don't know what breaks your heart and makes you feel as if the world has completely turned against you. But what I do know is that Heavenly Father knows your heart, He hears your pleas, and He never leaves your side. He cries when you cry. He hurts when you hurt. He loves you more than you will ever be able to know or understand. 

He allows you to be tried and to experience pain because He is making a masterpiece out of you. 

He has great, great plans for you! Never lose hope and trust that the end will soon draw near. Make it your goal to not shrink from the burden placed upon your shoulders. Better days are ahead of you and Christ always come to succor you. 

It is in the moments we need Christ the most, 

that we come to know Him the best. 

The Woman I Wish To Become...

I was visiting another ward last week, I rarely get to hear testimonies of the elderly.
My heart was so full, as so many gracious and inspiring women in there 70's and older stood up to testify of the truth and wisdom they have learned and gained over their precious years.

These women were so graceful in their words, and full of wisdom in their hearts that I couldn't help but think of the woman I hope to become someday. 

So... I wrote a poem about it.

While pondering on women in their later years,
I consider the reflection I will see in future mirrors.
As I am growing in wisdom and learning from age,
I realize how often I take for granted this stage.

The years all seem to quickly pass by,
as the moments linger and scarcely satisfy.
How I desire to treasure my single years more,
for I am finding how quickly they really do soar.

I yearn to strive in being more diligent in humility,
and as the days pass, to always look for God's mercy.
I have a need for service to be written on my heart,
and this I know, that now is the time to make that start.

Faith is the foundation of character I want to possess,
and in this process, there are many lives I wish to bless.
A strong, devoted woman of courage I long to be,
trials that have created a softened heart for Christ to see.

Longing for spiritual beauty to show in my face,
and to fully recognize every drop of God's grace.
Wrinkles to show where all the smiles have occurred,
And to be a strong follower of His every single word. 

Possession of luxury, fame, and fortune I need not,
Beholding a generous spirit is how I want to be caught.
Living of His every word so faithful and true,
Always valiant and virtuous in all that I do. 

Looking to the future of my own posterity, 
An example I wish to set of familiarity.
A life full of praiseworthy quality we have thrived,
to the home of Heaven we have finally arrived.

Yes, this is the woman I wish to become,
For I will not waste another of my days young.

Let's Talk About Mental Illness

Mental illness is real. SO REAL. And sometimes it bothers me we don't talk about it enough.
Nearly one in five people suffer from a mental illness...

So why are we trying to cover them up? 
Why are those that have them so ashamed? 
Why does our society label those with them as "broken" or "weak"? 

I don't have answers to those questions, but I feel it's important we talk about it more. I think these questions are great for pondering whether you have a mental illness or not. Because I wish to be the change I see in the world, and talking about mental illness needs to be changed, especially in our LDS culture, I'm going to start the conversation. 

I have a mental illness, in fact I have a few. Sometimes I forget I have one, and other times it's the only thing on my mind. Sometimes I try to fight it or push it aside, other times I accept it and embrace it because I know without a doubt I agreed to them in Heaven, before coming to earth. No, I didn't do anything wrong. No, they aren't a punishment. I like to think of my mental illness as a blessing. In fact, let me name a few reasons why.

10 Reasons I love my Mental Illnesses.....

1. When I'm having a good day, I love it that much more. I make the absolute most of my good days and I cherish them with my whole heart. You can't know joy without sadness. 

2. I have more gaps in my life, giving me more of a constant reminder that I have great need for the Savior and the atonement in my life.

3. It keeps me humble. Because I am constantly reminded of how imperfect I am, I can remember that other people aren't perfect either and we are all on the journey together.

4. It's a constant opportunity to rely on God, my mental illness saved my testimony at one time.

5. It puts life in such a beautiful perspective in the moments it stops raining.

6. It gives me a desire to help others, love others, care for others, and listen to others because I know how much I need it at times.

7. When I'm  having a weak moment, it gives me greater purpose in prayer. Allowing my faith to grow as I trust my Savior's healing ability with all my heart, might, mind, and soul.

8. I have a strong ability to release emotions, acknowledge my emotions, and embrace them all as they come and go. Emotions are apart of life, they come from Heavenly Father and they help us find answers to some of our most important questions.

9. I have had the opportunity of witnessing God's hand in my life when I needed Him most, He has eased my worried heart more times than I can count.

10. I don't have much of a choice but to embrace change. Change is hard and uncomfortable, but change is constant with a mental illness, so I learn to not worry about it and put my faith in Christ while I enjoy the ride. 

I love this YouTube clip, I love that line that says... "Know your mental illness, and do something about it." Don't try to cover or bury your mental illness. You have no need to be ashamed, and if any one ever makes you feel that way, they aren't a right fit for your life at this time, and that's okay. You are enough with or without a mental illness! Christ doesn't just feel some of the gaps, he fills all of the gaps. While you may be in pain, and relief won't come as quickly or instantaneously as you wish, it will come. In the meantime, allow your mental illness to teach you something! I am a strong believer that trials are our greatest blessings and healing comes after the tears.

If you have a mental illness, and you would like someone to relate to or talk about it with, I would be happy to talk with you. I am not a psychologist. But I am a daughter of God who has found hope and healing the in the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I wouldn't be able to get through it any other way than through the gospel. The atonement, faith, prayer, scriptures, and my Heavenly Father is what gives me hope on a daily basis. Comment below or email me if you have any questions or think I can help you in some way! We are all in this together. :)

Also, this talk is a MUST read - Like a Broken Vessel

Stay True to Your Inner Core

You were born with an inner core, it's who you are! Confusion is a warning sign you're trying to change and go against it. Your spirit knows exactly who you are, and exactly what you are capable of becoming!

Clothing security tags are a way to protect the profit of a store. The way these tags set off an alarm is an essential necessity used to alert a store attendant that something that is part of the store is about to be taken without authority or payment. Until it is paid for, the item must stay in the store!

We too have a security tag within us, a device that sends off an alarm as we are about to go too far from our inner core. You see, we were born with traits and characteristics that make up who we are as a person. Each one of us is unique and different. Each one of us has an individual worth that is different from any other person. If we try to change that for another person or for any other reason, our security tag starts to set off an alarm. An alarm of misery, of confusion, of doubt, and sometimes even depression.

Have you ever been so confused or so fearful that you just wanted to break? That confusion where you know something, but you lie to yourself? You lie and say you don't need it or it doesn't sound like it fits but that tiny, ever so quiet voice within you is screaming the correct answer to you. It's screaming the answer that won't make you satisfied in this moment, but it will save you from a lot of heart break and tears in the future. Your inner voice wants to protect you from all of those pieces that could potentially fall apart.

Why do we hide this voice of ours? Why do we bury it and pretend it isn't there or it doesn't know the real way to bring us happiness? Naturally, we are human beings looking for satisfaction and happiness in the moment. We forget that a little bit of pain and sacrifice now will bring us the greatest peace and happiness we will ever know if we wait and sacrifice but just a moment.

Listen to the voice trying to get your attention, that voice setting off all of those alarms of confusion and misery is there to save you. Trust that voice, because I promise you it won't lead you astray. 

Trusting and acting on your inner voice, those gut feelings that are telling you what and what not to do will allow you to live out your greatest potential. If you ignore them, yes there is always hope back, but you will pay a painful price and it will take so much longer to become who you are destined to be.