How the atonement helped me overcome self-objectification

I was sitting in my PR Cases & Campaigns class bright and early this morning and we were watching examples of social ad campaigns. We observed this ad produced by Dove, one that I have seen numerous times previously, and the Spirit just hit me so strongly, right there in class reminding me of how incredible the atonement is! This is a bit of an interesting example and I have many, many more experiences with the atonement, but today I feel the need to share with you how incredibly powerful the atonement is through my personal self-objectification experience. 

Last year, from January to August 2014, I was more insecure of my personal image than I had ever been in my life. I feel prompted to share my experience with you even though I'm ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of it because of my perception now. I'm ashamed of it because the thoughts that I'm going to share with you are real and I know now exactly who they were coming from, the adversary. I'm ashamed because of the moments I wasted loving myself for who I am.

I had never really had much acne until January 2014, and it hit me hard. I was going through some stressful situations at this time, so maybe that triggered it, I have no idea because I'm still fighting it as I write this, but the words I am going to use to describe how I felt don't even slightly compare with the emotions that I feel now. Waking up one day with blemishes all over my face was a very new and real thing for me. I felt so self-conscious every single day. On every single date I went on, I wondered if they could see, I wondered if they noticed it. It was so hard for me to see past my acne, I would spend hours in my car crying, asking and pleading for comfort and trying to find my worth in the world. These words don't do justice to my feelings or emotions. It wasn't just my acne I was concerned with, I just didn't feel beautiful and glamorous like I desired. I don't look like a pageant girl, I never had. For some unknown reason the thought that I wasn't pretty enough and that's what mattered in this world would not leave me alone. My favorite place to go was the temple, I felt so beautiful in the temple. I felt my image didn't matter there. 

But on the days that I wasn't at the temple, every single morning I would wake up, put on my make-up, say "This is as good as it's going to get" and then I would cry and cry. How I looked was on my mind much more than I can proudly admit. These thoughts of what I wanted to change about my face and features consumed everything in me. I wanted to look like the stars you see on TV and in magazines. I would stare at these pictures, then go back and look in the mirror and I nit picked everything about myself. I'm telling you, these unhealthy thoughts consumed me like crazy. 

I didn't think any guy would ever desire to love me or marry me, because I didn't have flawless skin. I told you I'm ashamed to write out this post because huge mistake I had made in my thought process, mistaking guys for being that shallow. If you think a guy won't love you because you have acne or any other imperfection you would consider a flaw, then you are searching for the wrong guy. The right guy won't care one bit, I promise you this! Sure, there are plenty of conceited guys out there who will only date girls with a certain image, but do you really truly want to be with one of them? Love isn't based on image, attraction is very important in marriage don't get me wrong. But the right guy will be attracted to you just the way you are, I know this to be true. The right guy for you will first fall in love with you for your heart and everything will fall into place thereafter. 

I can distinctly remember sitting in my car, reflecting on my imperfections a few different times, I remember the exact location of where I was and how deeply my heart was grieving. Once again, I remind you that my description of my heart break doesn't even slightly reflect the worthlessness and heartbreak I felt based on my appearance. So I was sitting there just sobbing, and I asked Heavenly Father for a little help and understanding of why I felt the way I did and how I could feel beautiful and valuable once again. This was the beginning of my thought change process that took place through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

Months passed by, every day I would wrestle with the Lord in my thoughts of my worth, why I thought it was all based on appearance during this time, I know not. July came and Colbie Callat released her new song 'Try'. I loved it but hated it. I would listen to it over, and over, and over again trying to convince myself that I didn't need to "try" to be beautiful and I already was. It didn't help that when Colbie takes off her makeup and all in the music video, the girl is still absolutely flawless. I should post a picture of me with no make-up on so you can see what I am talking about. 

As I prayed more and studied more of what it meant to be a daughter of God, my heart changed and grace carried me. It wasn't easy and it wasn't all over night, but I remember one day thinking, "You know, I stopped critiquing myself and crying over my image a few weeks ago. I really like who I am and I can see Christ's countenance in my image. It was then that I understood what Elaine Dalton meant by this quote; "There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous."

Suddenly I didn't care about looking like the girls in the media, I didn't care about comparing myself to others, and I didn't care as much about the flawed skin underneath my foundation. I just didn't care, and I felt beautiful just the way I am and I'm so grateful I was able to recognize that it was the atonement and grace that brought me to that point. I don't know why I had to go through those painful emotions over such a worldly thing, but I do know it helped teach me an invaluable lesson of worth and that it's the spiritual things that will always matter. Spiritual blessings can help you overcome or lessen any worldly pain you experience. 

I was spending all that time looking at myself through the eyes of the adversary. It was so damaging because it was distracting me of my divine earthly mission. Satan knows exactly what he is doing, don't let him win girls, fight back!! Did you wake up this morning and see yourself through the eyes of the Savior or the eyes of the adversary? It's a daily choice you get to make but I want to share 5 things that might help you to understand your worth and to feel beautiful inside and out every single day. 

5 actions to see yourself through the eyes of the Savior

1. Spend more time with the Savior

To see yourself through the eyes of someone, you really need to get to know them and understand who they are and what they believe in. Spend more time with the Savior than you actually spend getting ready in the morning. In fact, I challenge you to double the time. If you spend 30 minutes on your hair and makeup each morning, spend an hour with the Savior.

So how exactly do you spend time with the Savior? Learn of Him, learn of His teachings, learn of His attributes, and learn of His life and His legacy.

Here are a few suggestions...
- Watch bible videos of the Savior.
- Read '21 Days closer to Christ'
- Study Chapter 6 in Preach my Gospel about Christlike attributes
- Pray for gratitude and an understanding of the atonement + of grace
- Watch for Him daily in your life

2. Pray for an understanding of Individual worth and a love for who you are

So you've heard about individual worth, right? It's spoken of and recited all the time in Young Women's. Here's my favorite part about it though, even if you don't fully grasp what it means or understand how it applies to you personally, IT'S STILL THERE! Even if you don't feel individual worth and God's love pouring in your life or heart at this moment, that doesn't mean it is taken away. It is NEVER changing. It is perfect. It is infinite. It is there in the moments you feel and it is there in the moments you don't. If you don't understand it, pray to feel it, pray to understand it, pray to see it in your personal life. If you are diligent with this prayer, I personally testify to you that you will see it and feel it. I don't know when or how, but it will surround you and without a doubt you will know if you will just stay diligent!

3. Listen to empowering messages that teach you about who you are. Study what it means to be a daughter of God, more than you have ever studied anything ever before!

For me, this one was essential because if you are doubting your worth based on your outer beauty, you're missing the most important teaching in this church. For me, I had to really understand who I was and love that more than all else before I could learn or understand any other principle. This is the foundation for anything else to be built upon. Article of Faith number four teaches us that faith is the first principle of the gospel and if you don't understand that you're a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father and all that that entails, then you're missing something and that's why for me, this was the best place to start. 

Some great places to start:
- Daughter of a King playlist 
- Daughters of Heavenly Father talk
- Mosiah 5 
- This Lesson 

4. Dig deep into the scriptures

Really immerse yourself in the scriptures and get to know them inside and out. The goal is to know them so well that you find yourself reflecting more on scriptures and their stories instead of all the negative thoughts of worthlessness this world can have you believing. You want to be so focused on the goodness and gems the scriptures offer that you won't have time to really focus on the insecurities that you may be faced with. Study scriptures based on individual worth. Study the stories of the woman heroes and make it a goal to become as noble as them. 

5. SERVE

Lose yourself and go serve others! If you find yourself thinking too much about yourself, it's time to forget yourself and let Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ take care of all your worries and concerns while you serve Them. You are the chosen one to serve those in your circle of influence. If you find yourself dwelling on imperfections and insecurities, pray about, forget it, then go bake cookies and take them to a friend! I promise you it works. You deserve a treat too! (No bake cookies are my favorite, just in case you were wondering ;) 

Then watch this short clip!

But please girls, 
please remember that you are NEVER, EVER alone!

A mighty leap of faith - Personal Progress Faith #1

I am working on the Young Women's Personal Progress program again. I have received my medallion twice, but it has been awhile. I believe being single is a beautiful time in your life to become your absolute best self. It's a time to improve in every area until you meet the one you want to spend the rest of eternity with and then you can proceed to grow together.

I am working on Faith exercise #1.

Gaining a testimony doesn't happen all at once. I wish I would've known this at different parts of my life. As a little girl, up until I graduated high school, my testimony was rock solid. I followed every commandment and standard to the T. As life progressed, different situations I was put in really tested my testimony and my faith.

I've come to understand it's the moments where I look back often saying "Why isn't it like this anymore? Why don't I feel that way anymore?" That's when the actual change has taken place. Things are never supposed to stay the same. If you are looking back missing what was comfortable to you, you've already changed. These changes aren't often noticeable day by day, week by week, or even month by month. The changes I have seen within myself are often small and slow . You're always changing and growing when you're depending on your faith. It's not meant for you to see because that would be perfect knowledge and faith isn't perfect knowledge. {Alma 32:21} Heavenly Father wants you to keep walking forward and He doesn't always point out how far you have come because then it wouldn't be faith. Have faith that if you are doing good things in your life, then you ARE moving forward! Have faith that as you make good and righteous choices daily, that are becoming the person God desires you to be.

Changes don't come all at once, that's not the way it's supposed to be. But slowly and surely you will get there. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Who won? The tortoise because he took his time. Faith takes time, patience, diligence to grow where we would desire it to be. If your faith isn't where you desire it to be, just keep living and acting on the faith you do have and I promise you it will grow!

There is also such thing as a 'leap of faith'.

Elder Boyd K. Packer said, "Somewhere in your quest for spiritual knowledge, there is that “leap of faith,” as the philosophers call it. It is the moment when you have gone to the edge of the light and stepped into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead for just a footstep or two. “The spirit of man,” is as the scripture says, indeed “is the candle of the Lord.”"

Three years ago around this time, I had some major decisions to make. One in particular.

This exact song was playing in my car one day, and something about one of the scripture heroes in this song struck me hard. It was then that I knew exactly what I needed to do and while I didn't know the how, I knew the what. It was the hardest decision I had ever had to make in my life. I relied on this song constantly, as it gave me the courage and strength I needed to follow through with the decision that would be my biggest leap of faith yet. 

But what exactly is a leap of faith? A leap is to move or act quickly or suddenly. When I think of leaping, I picture myself leaping across from one mountain to another, unsure if I will make the land or if the long and deep valley will catch my fall with deep pain and sorrow instead. To take of leap of faith it is believing that Heavenly Father will always help you land and will never let you sink or fall in-between the mountains. A leap of faith is letting go of something/someone that has great value to you, knowing it will be replaced with something much more fitting for your life because Heavenly Father knows you perfectly.

So back to my story, yes I took the leap of faith. I did what I needed to do. It was so hard and yet so right. It took so long for me to understand all the reasons, in fact somethings are still unfolding for me but I have never been happier and I know I am on the track Heavenly Father wants me on and I know He is pleased with me. I couldn't have taken that leap without much diligence in prayer, scripture study, and pondering. The Lord loves to bless us and all we have to do is make the simple sacrifices He asks of us. What seems like the biggest sacrifice we could possibly fathom, is really but a small seed because in the eternal perspective of things, all sacrifices and leaps of faith are worth it because they bring about the most joyful of all blessings. Personally, I desire to be like the King in Alma 22:15, so willing to give away my entire kingdom, absolutely anything and everything I have, even my HEART. i would give anything for my Father.

He asks us for our heart, meaning "our will" or "our desire", not just because He wants to collect all our hearts in a jar for Himself and see how much He can make us live without. It's actually on the contraire, He desires to bless us with SO, SO much more, and the Lord always keeps His promises.

I LOVE studying Alma 32:17-43 

I am sure you have heard all of these thoughts and principles hundreds of times, but here are my personal notes from these verses. 

- It isn't faith if you know.

- You are asked to have faith in things you don't have all the answers to.

- If ye have FAITH, ye hope for things which are not seen which are true. (This particular scripture is often misinterpreted because we personally don't get to decide what is true or right for our life. Just because it's something we want or desire doesn't mean we can assume it's true. This is where prayer and revelation is SO important, we have to ask Heavenly Father what for us is true.)

- God is merciful and wants you to believe in His word.

- Men and women can receive His word through angels.

- Humble yourselves, faith isn't a perfect knowledge!

- Even if it's just a desire, let this desire work within you.

- It's a good seed if it's delicious unto you, bringing peace and understanding.

- When the seed starts to grow, you will know without a doubt that it's a good seed.

- Your mind begins to expand.

- Light is GOOD! But it doesn't bring perfect knowledge .

- Have diligence and be patient in all that is good!

And this post just reminded me of Elder Holland's last General Conference talk, found here. 

5 Tips for Finishing Personal Progress

Post written by Alissa Merrill,
who recently received her Young Women's medallion at age 14.

I look up to this girl a lot. She has so much faith and a rock solid testimony.

 5 tips for finishing Personal Progress:

1.) Don't get discouraged -  If you look at the whole book, it does seem like a lot of work. If you do it in sections, it is a lot easier. It may not be that exciting when you first start working on it, but trust me it really does become addicting and it is so exciting to finish new things. If you stick with it, you will never ever regret it. 

2.) Find stuff you're already doing that can be incorporated in Personal Progress - I finished lots of my projects and experiences because I couldn't believe how much I already do! You just have to keep track of it and you're good to go! If you're in sports or take part in a performance of some sort, you can use those hours of practicing for a project!

 3.) Have fun with it - Don't make the projects a drag! Find something that interests you and something you will enjoy doing for 10 hours. Doing something you enjoy makes it fun and you're more likely to finish it if you're doing something you like!

 4.) Make goals and pace yourself -  Personal Progress is all about keeping track of and meeting goals. If you give yourself a certain time frame to finish something, do it! It's so much easier to stick to goals if you know what they are. 

5.) Get it done as early as possible - Personal Progress is an amazing tool we have been given for our day. It really is an inspired program that can help you grow so much in the gospel. I couldn't believe how easy it really was to finish. I was home schooled for my 7th grade year, and that's when I began to work on it the most. It really does help to finish it over the summer or when you have time so it's less stressful to get it done before your 18th birthday. Finishing it before high school helped me a ton. And plus, getting to wear your medallion everyday makes it so worth it. 


Blessings I have received from earning my medallion:


Personal Progress was a HUGE eye opener to me.
I honestly thought it was so dumb and boring, but when I started to feel alone
or feel like I wasn't good enough, I would turn to it.
I literally tested it. I was feeling so sad one day and saw my book 
and literally thought to myself, "I wonder if this'll work.. well.. I guess i can try it" 
so I picked it up and worked on what I was struggling with. 
It was Individual Worth at the time. I was feeling so alone but when I picked up that book and started reading the scriptures, I felt this peace that was so indescribable.
I cannot even tell you what I felt when I picked that book up for the first time. 
It was like all of my problems and all of my doubts had gone away. 

Personal Progress literally made me go from sad tears to happy tears
in a manner of about 10 minutes.
 I felt the Saviors love for me. 
And it was the first time in 3 years that I had felt that. 

If you are struggling in any way, Personal Progress can help so much.

 If you feel your faith is faltering,

  work on Faith. 

If you feel you're not sure who you are or what you're meant to be,

 work on Divine Nature.

If you're feeling inadequate and alone, 

work on Individual Worth. 

If you're confused, spiritually or mentally or in any other way, work on Knowledge.

 If you're not sure which path to take, 

work on Choice and Accountability. 

 If you're struggling with serving others, 

work on Good Works! 

 If you're standing alone, 

work on Integrity. 

If you're ridiculed because of 

your beliefs and values, work on Virtue. 

These values are here for OUR day. We just have to turn to it. 
No one can help you if you don't put your arm up and reach out for help. It doesn't work. Personal Progress was my friend when no one else was. 
It pretty much saved my life and it can do the same for you. 
I know it can and  will if you help you in your own life if you will make the effort.
It may not come right away like it was for me, 
but I know it can help with anything and everything.