I was never meant to win...

Many of you know I have competed in nine pageants. They never came easy for me. I didn't have a performing arts talent growing up. I had to spend 3 hours a day practicing the piano, just to even be decent enough to perform one song on a stage. 

But I do know Heavenly Father had a purpose in this situation. I was never meant to win.
Yes I was meant to compete; it was an option I know he approved of, because miracles and tender mercies happened in the most incredible ways. There were so many times where things worked out that I had no control over AT ALL. But God did and he made it possible for me. 

Today I was reading an article about the newly crowned Miss Utah and it hit me strong and to my core. It was something I had thought about, but this was Heavenly Father's whisper - confirming my thought. 

I will share a bit of it with you. Miss Utah's platform is "Get Real: Embracing a Positive Body Image Through Media Smarts." For the past few years I have felt that I have a very strong purpose to help girls gain confidence and help them love who they are from the inside out. I have started working on many projects to make this happen and with God's help, it has started falling into place.

But here is the confirmation I needed. One of the comments on this article stated "I'm sure she is a lovely person, but honestly...listening to someone talk about positive body image can be a bit tough to swallow coming from a beauty queen." This is a very good point. Someone who seems to have everything going for them with all the beauty and glam and crown, it would be hard for girls to truly believe what she is saying, because she appears perfect from the outside.

Here's where I am going to get vulnerable and let you in. I want girls to know why I am so passionate about building their self esteem, because it means the world to me.

I had the OPPORTUNITY of being shy growing up.
I am GRATEFUL I was an introvert which lead me to feel like I didn't have as 
many friends as I wanted. 
I was LUCKY to experience low-self esteem in Jr. High.
It was an HONOR to go through heartache in relationships.
I was BLESSED with acne after pageants.
I was PRIVILEGED to be bullied in elementary school.
I was FORTUNATE to know what a manipulative relationship feels like. 
It was a GIFT to only get asked out twice in high school.
I had the BENEFIT of going through peer pressure, loneliness, body image issues, 
doubt, anxiety, OCD, not having dreams fulfilled and SO MUCH MORE.

Every single thing I have gone through has made me that much more relate able to teen girls and women. I am the girl that I am today, after going through some really hard experiences. I am now able to see how all of these things can really affect a girl's self-esteem, but I have the tools now to help her build her own confidence and find the beauty within. 

I know exactly what it feels like to be THAT girl, so I seek every day to help girl's know
that these worldly things do not define who she is. Worth and beauty will always start and be 
found from within.

Had I won a pageant, maybe I wouldn't be able to relate to girls on the level they
need me to be on. Just maybe Heavenly Father has a plan for me to reach girls in a way I could never reach them, had I worn a crown on my head telling them 
something they couldn't even see past.

Heavenly Father knows what he is doing. He uses your triumphs to bless the lives of 
others. If I have gone through everything I have in order to help girls, it has all been 
worth it. All the glory goes to him, my desire to help others goes to him.
What a blessing it is that he gave me the strength I needed to get through these 
trials and overcome them so I can hopefully  help empower many girls along the way.