Christ won't ever let you down

You know that feeling you get telling you you need to go up and bear your testimony? Well that's the feeling I got before I sat down to write this post. It's one of those posts where I'm going to be vulnerable, but I strongly feel someone out there needs this and will be able to relate to me. I have learned that the only way we can help others is when we share, so here it goes.

Today in Relief Society, Jenna gave an amazing lesson on the talk by Sister Esplin - The Sacrament - a renewal for the soul, found here. We talked about the sacrament, Jesus Christ, and his enabling power. So you can experience the lesson for yourself, do this exercise that Jenna had us do...

Grab a piece of paper and a pen - write down everything you thought about during the sacrament today.

Got it? Now look at that list and see if everything on there relates to Christ. How could your thoughts have been shifted differently?

Here my notes from this lesson because I feel they are important to share. I'll share my eye opening experience with you in a moment.

Notes...

- The spirit is a dimmer, not a light switch. You have to consistently be doing what Heavenly Father would have you do and then it will grow, but it is NOT an all or nothing type of thing. Sometimes you will feel the spirit more than other times. A testimony can go through several different levels of light, it's important to just hang on.

{For more read HERE.}

- One of Satan's favorite tools is to make us forget the progress we are making and to dwell only on our imperfections. The more he can make us forget that we really are progressing, the more we focus on what we aren't doing and it becomes harder to even try and move forward. Remember you are doing great - just keep going one step at a time. Then look back and see how far you have come.

- Your life is often like a wall of tiles. They are all straight and in line but you may have a few tiles here and there that are a tiny bit crooked, these tiles are so noticeable above all because they aren't perfect, but look at the rest of the wall - it's beautiful! Focus on the strengths and the good in your life and just embrace what you doing because you're on the right track. And the crooked tiles on your wall are more noticeable to you than any one else because you know exactly where they are and where to find them.

- Positive psychology - focus on all the good things! If you are having a horrible day then find one tiny good thing in that day - that is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father - write it down!


OKAY, so here's where I get real...

As others were sharing comments, an "ah-ha moment" hit me so strongly. 

Lately on this blog, I've shared how life is hard for me at the moment. In those moments, sometimes I just cry and feel broken. I have a small amount of depression but I've noticed it's not consistent in my life, only certain things in life trigger it. My mom battles depression and she has been on medication for several years, so I really truly understand depression and believe we are SO blessed to have modern medication, however I choose not to take any. I don't look down on medication at all, and if you take any I have so much respect for you, but honestly it's not the right fit for me. When I have those hard times it's a blessing to me. Those hard moments create a level of humility for me that I can't experience any other way. To get out of those moments, that's one of the things I feel the atonement is for, personally in my life. 

But here's the thing, the past few weeks when I have had these super hard moments, I felt stuck. About a week ago, I spent the entire day crying, reading my scriptures, and praying. I knew the atonement was there and I truly believed in Christ's enabling powers of the atonement but I didn't feel it. I was asking for strength to get through, I was asking to be carried by the grace of Jesus Christ. I was pouring my entire heart out and I felt no relief. I was weak and broken and I just kept thinking "What am I doing wrong?" I didn't understand where His light was in the moment I thought I needed it most. Well, today it clicked that Christ's enabling power isn't always "in the moment". Those moments I thought the pain would just go away after praying, those moments when I felt so sad and alone, I couldn't see him OR feel him, but He was there! Sometimes we have to look back and see it in a different perspective. I didn't feel okay in that moment, but I turned out okay.

Heavenly Father wants to see if you will be righteous even in the dark. When that peace and relief isn't there, can you still move forward towards Christ? That's what matters!

An amazing girl shared a beautiful story that meant the world to me, when she was in the MTC, the spirit left her. She felt lost and broken and was going to go home. She wasn't doing anything wrong, she made a joke, "how rebellious can one really be in the MTC?" She was doing everything so perfectly right and yet she felt nothing! The spirit came back in her life after she proved that she was sticking it out and she kept doing what Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ would have her do. She didn't give up and she kept living righteously, that's when the sweet spirit shined through once again. It's always on God's time - trust Him!

I too have felt this, I thought I was doing everything beyond right. It was at a time when I was doing the best I ever had, I was making the greatest decisions and I was praying and reading the scriptures more than I had been and the spirit left. I didn't feel the spirit as I prayed and thoughts came into my mind wondering where He was, I kept moving forward and trying harder because I knew how great the sweet spirit felt and I thrive off of that feeling. The more I searched, the more I was tested, it didn't come when or how I expected. I remember the exact moment the spirit came back though and looking back, it wasn't anything I had done on my part that caused the spirit to leave. It was a test. Heavenly Father loves to test us, and the day is glorious when we pass the test.

Christ will not ever let you down. You won't always see Him or feel the strength the moment you expect it, but believe he is there. Have the faith to keep going and keep doing what it takes to be on the straight and narrow path and you will always be blessed and relieved in the perfect moment. Just remember, God's timing is different than ours!

Have you experienced that, where you couldn't see or feel the enabling power of the atonement but you kept moving forward? Or have you ever had a time when you were living righteously but the spirit left you? {I'd LOVE to hear your story - leave a comment!}